


Hold Me Up

by Pippin



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, nonsexual tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-16 02:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pippin/pseuds/Pippin
Summary: “Hold me.”  Juno’s voice was muffled, but he knew that Peter would sort out his words anyway.





	Hold Me Up

It was one of those days.  The darkness in Juno’s head was taking over, his mother’s voice creeping in and reminding him that one day he would be just like her.  There was the hint of Benten’s voice, just a kid, echoed back by Juno’s own voice, promising to always keep each other safe. The reminder that he had failed so many people, that there were so many people who should still be alive but weren’t because of Juno’s shitty fucking choices, his fucking mistakes.   
Juno curled into himself on the bed, trying to escape the sucking void in his head.  He didn’t have nearly enough energy to sit up, so he simply shoved his head against his pillows, groaning as he did so.  

  
He hated days like these.  Beyond the voices and darkness in his head, so much that should be simple wasn’t, and wasn’t he just even more of a failure for that. Getting out of bed was too much, so instead of being functional like every other person in the universe he would just sleep on and off for hours on end.  Nothing in his life seemed right—every single thing that was in his head was a reminder that he wasn’t good enough and he never had been and he never would be. Words escaped him, food was beyond the limits of his body, and just nothing worked right. There was a disconnect between his mind and his body, as if they didn’t belong to the same person.  Everything simply reminded him that he wasn’t good enough, couldn’t even manage the basics of human existence.

  
Peter, in contrast, had been up for hours, puttering around the apartment, doing god-knows-what.  Every now and then Juno would hear him muttering to himself, and though he couldn’t make out the words just hearing Peter’s voice was comforting.  Not as comforting as having Peter there with him, but Juno wasn’t about to ask for that. Heaven knew he didn’t deserve that. 

  
Juno buried a hand in his hair, pressing his other against his face to block out the dim light filtering in through the cracks in the blinds.  He knew that the sunlight coming in through the dome would make him feel better, but at the moment it was just an irritant.

  
The door cracked open and Juno buried his head further under his blanket, not wanting to face Peter.  He couldn’t. Peter was functional, awake and alive and not falling victim to his own failing brain and mind.

  
“Oh, Juno.”  Peter’s voice was soft, affectionate, and it just made Juno feel worse.  Peter should be disgusted, not loving.

  
There was a tug on the blankets and Peter crawled under them, wrapping his arms around Juno.  “What can I do, darling?”

 

_ Nothing _ , Juno’s mind supplied.   _ Leave me alone _ .  But, at the same time, a little voice in his head that sounded like a bizarre mixture of Rita, Sasha, and Peter himself reprimanded him, instructing him to let someone in, to let himself feel better.

 

“Hold me.”  Juno’s voice was muffled, but he knew that Peter would sort out his words anyway.  He had those weird alien senses that helped put him at the top of his field. Juno envied them—they would certainly be useful for a private eye—but he also knew that his shitty broken brain would never be able to handle them.   
  


“I am holding you,” Peter replied, a slight upwards lilt in his voice, turning his statement into the hint of a question.   
  


“No,  _ hold me _ .”  Juno squirmed against Peter, an irritated note coming through in both word and deed.  Words were hard; he couldn’t manage more than that.   
  


“Ah.”  Peter pulled away, and Juno whined into his blanket mask.     
  


“Dear, I need a moment if you want held.  You know this.” Peter’s voice was still so calm and loving, and Juno couldn’t handle it.  Not ever, but especially not in this headspace.   
  


The bed shifted again as Peter left it and Juno peeked out, just pulling the blankets off his one good eye to watch.  No matter how many times Juno watched the transformation it never got old.   
Peter stripped off his shirt, revealing curling tattoos covering his back.  With a shudder those tattoos came to life, peeling off his skin and waving through the air, transforming from flat ink on a scarred back to living three-dimensional appendages.   
  


Juno poked the tips of his fingers out of his cocoon and a single tentacle rested on his exposed skin, smooth and cool and utterly inhuman.  Utterly Peter Nureyev. Juno closed his fingers and pulled.   
  


Peter came willingly, tucking himself back under the blankets and wiggling up against Juno, tentacles worming their way through the slightest gaps between the blankets and Juno’s body, enveloping him entirely.   
  


Juno didn’t think he had ever felt safer in his life.  He was surrounded by someone who loved him unconditionally, someone who had seen both the best and worst of him and decided that he wanted all of it anyway.  Someone who trusted him enough to allow him to see the nonhuman sides without running screaming, or turning him in. It was beyond comforting, and Juno allowed himself to settle into it, the darkness in his head receding slowly but surely.   
  


“I love you,” Peter murmured from where his face was pressed between Juno’s shoulder blades, a rumble of affection that Juno felt more than heard.   
  


Juno still couldn’t really express himself verbally, but he squeezed the tentacle still in his hand in a pattern that Peter would recognize as meaning  _ I love you too _ .   
  


All the tentacles wrapped around his body squeezed gently back in the same pattern, the pressure almost more comforting than the words had been.  At the same time Peter mouthed lightly at the back of Juno’s neck, catching the skin between sharp teeth and then releasing. That settled Juno further, the tiny pricks of pain pulling him from his head to his body.   
  


Juno closed his eyes, relaxing back against Peter, letting the tentacles pull him up, up, and then hold him there.   
  


“Thank you.”   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Juno's whole mental state is based off my own really bad depression days. Peter isn't entirely human (he's part alien!). I blame Jay for everything.


End file.
